Polaroids Of life

Packing My bags

2007-08-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

It's like a Good bye to an old good friend.

For almost 3 years, blogger have been there when I need it the most.

It's same feeling when my family moved out from the old house to the new one.

It felt empty, vacant and distant.

Anyway, I'm going to post my updates in a new "home".

you can find me here

Thanks for the feedbacks.

I'll see you guys around

How they do it in the old days??

2007-08-09T14:32:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking for a while in investing some funding in my techie department. I need a laptop. For some, including me, it's more of a luxury as oppose to a necessity. But, as weeks fly by, it's really annoying to know the fact that I have to type my assignments and check my emails or the e-learning database frequently, the labs are often packed with people. And I wished I just have a lappie to get over with.If possible empowered wif a 3G card.

So, I was thinking how did dad survive his college days. They don't even use a desktop back in the 70's. As far as I could remember he was a fine and respected engineer himself. Then, I thought of all the pioneers regardless what field their into. Back then they are not as well equipped as the students today. Yet, they managed to live through a tech-savy era. To me, the old school people is like amphibians. They lived in two different time frames. The days where type writer is just like any other tool amd the days where blackberries roam in the streets.

I'm still amused somehow.

Again... and I'm immune with it

2007-08-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

listening to :

I'm well aware that at my age my hormon is still unstable. Let's skip all the biological reasonings and straight to the point. I guess I'm falling for someone ......again. It's tiring really. So, for the time being I'm trying to get over it.. It's not those sappy moments..dun even get that idea. It's just I feel weird when I start to grin without knowing why...even a simple thought of that person, I can feel a hurricane coming through the corners of my mind.

And it's really not helpful when I poisoned my brains with movies like the holiday, a wedding date or even bridget jones...

Fall in or fall out??

I'm happy the way I am..So God let me forget this feeling.

It's really weird when I thought of that person, he'll be around. shessh

Waiting to feel...nothingness

Dreadful!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-02T09:03:00.000+08:00

You won't believe me when I say I miss my calculus class because I can't find it.

I managed to find it every time I had class. I didn't go to the Tuesday class because I don't feel good. Somehow today, even after my hundredth time going around the block the exact level, I can't find that class. I fear if I miss a quiz or something right now. W e should have it by now if there's one. I know I'm a nerd...minus the brains that is.

I need something to cheer me up then. I had ice cream yesterday, it won't give the same effect today. I guess I'll go hunt for a nice pair of pants.

This is nothing new to me. I mean after a fantastic week, the great-o-meter just go down, when it's monday again. And I swear to God, I didn't complain bout anything last week. Am truly really genuinely grateful and happy. Maybe I'm taking it to the extreme...a little bit to the extreme. My concern is not really bout having this string of bad events this week, but it's more of thinking if I miss a very important quiz or whatever normal students do in a calculus class.I won't be able to catch up. I hate being a worry wort. Yeah, rant, rant all I can. I have 40 minutes before my Bahasa Melayu class. And I'm waking up early just to miss a class..I shouldn't have mention this..I should not have blog..

From the spaces of a place I call heart.

2007-07-30T17:44:00.001+08:00

"My Wish" by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything

Theme Song!!!

2007-07-27T17:48:00.001+08:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

So far, it's wonderful!

2007-07-27T13:54:00.000+08:00

At last!

I got to wake up late and just staring blankly at the wall. Listening to music while I rub my beady eyes. It's been one of those smooth sailing weeks. Completed my assignments and in-class drawing, catched up with an old friend and former teacher and ending the week with a thrilling debate league(soon though..fingers crossed)

On another note: In the GPCL e3 alone and I felt I own the place muahahahaha.

Planning to meet up with debate gang to celebrate mah's n nabilah's birthday. That is after I meet mum.Yup!!! mum n the clan r dropping by. Finally, I'll get a hold on harry potter.yippie.

Aside all that, I realized that I still miss him. And I couldnt't bring myself to laugh about the feelings I had for him. (or I still have for him??? huh?). No worries, I grew out of the crazy obsession that really freaked him out. I can't force him to like me let alone going beyond the mutual relationship we are in. Am sincerely happy to know he is doing well in his studies and working really hard. I'm proud of him and I know I will always be.

*if "he" ever read this, I jus wanna let you know I really do care about you. take care...jangan hilang phone lagi. Aja Aja Fightin!*

I'm floating in the skies~

It's only a feeling (No 'Maybe's)

2007-07-18T11:07:00.000+08:00

Well, you might predicted this would be one of those over-dramatised and emotionally packed post, where you would end up dying out of boredom reading it. I'm sorry to tell you that, you won't die out of boredom though. The very least, is that you'll just be as confused as I am..And that's it I guess.

I was contemplating again about soul searching and stuff like "why the sky can make me smile countlessly" yesterday. And for a split second, I felt a pang of significant loss. It's a terrible feeling and I tried all day long to figure out what was it about, end up laughing at myself. It's funny how I tried to make things black and white. Trying to see feelings objectively. And the fact I still attempt to do so.

But, I still felt that loss sensation. Then, I thought of cheering up myself by paying homage to my victims or i rather call em the shoulders that I turn to (ie friends...duhhh).

But after 2 visits, I still felt that annoying feeling. So I just dash my way to the cc...yet I end up in iera's place...Somehow, I felt lighter. A phenomenon that even I can't explain objectively.

I guess I need to change college...A new sphere would make me happy I guess.

Off to lunch ;)

Where was I?

2007-07-12T18:28:00.000+08:00

Over with australs, greeting the new term.

*trumpet sound*

I'm officially an undergrad. So, what does that mean? More classes and the possibilty to be a bookworm is higher this time round. Me and my friends even came to a decision to have our nerdy club.

Besides nerdy talk, what else is going on in my tiny box? Hmmm nothing much I guess. Met up with my old roomies, my old classmates...I miss you guys sooooooooo much. And seeing you guys plus the huge help from all of you, meant a lot to me.

thanks...truly appreciated.

A new chapter I guess..Ganbatte!!!!

Faith No More - This Guy's In Love With You (Live)

2007-06-29T00:12:00.001+08:00

You see this guy
this guy's in love with you

Yes, I'm in love
who looks at you the way I do
when you smile I can tell
we know each other very well
how can I show you I'm glad
I got to know you, 'cause:

I've heard some talk
they say you think I'm fine

Yes, I'm in love
and what I'd do to make you mine,
tell me now, is it so?
Don't let me be the last to know.

My hands are shaking
don't let my heart keep breaking, 'cause
I need your love
I want your love

say you're in love
in love with this guy,
if not I'll just die.

Disclaimer: Just to shove away any speculations (read:this is not a self-denial post), i'm not involve with anyone. This song is just too awesome not to notice.

Would I like myself?

2007-06-27T05:12:00.000+08:00

You might find this disturbing, but believe me you'll find the same thing in another 59863402 blogs (owned by girls in their late teens that is). What difference would it make anyway. I guess, a slight change in the statistics??

Let's go straight to the juicy part

It's been such a philosophical week for me. I came to some resolutions and some point of views that are hard for me to accept. nevertheless, I'll try to embrace them. I decided to look at it objectively and do case studies out of it. God knows, I might read this post again and learn from from it...(if only I have the same amount of interest to do this in my studies....hahaha)

Case Study #1:I'm very selfish. I'm too full of myself...but I don't act as I am one.

What's wrong here? Am I a hypocrite for not being selfish in my acts or in my words? I wouldn't say that's the missing link..But what seems to trouble me at this very moment, is how I would think of my own good first before others. I'll think the consequences which affects me in any way.

Let's take an easy example.. I want to ask Linda* a favor...then I said sorry to bother her.
The first thing that race thru my neurons is this

"hmmmm if I'm gonna ask her to buy my meal..she'll think I'm using her and she'll won't put me in her best friend list..that's bad...for me"

For every part of me which hates myself for thinking as such..the other part just say it's the right thing to do and felt good bout that.

Conclusion: Try not to position myself as the main key player in any situation.

Case study #2: I'm the one who always screwed up...I'm the weakling.

This myth usually occurred to those with low self-esteem.It's pretty hard to tell off a person that's having this complication. For some reason that can only be explained by a Klingon, individual with inferior-complex, will have tough time to even prove a point...and worst- to even putting up a sentence. So, they usually end up as the average girl....that you won't even notice their existence.

Conclusion: There's no easy way out I guess...Stand up for what you think is right. If you screwed one time or make it 12 hundred times. Always have this at the back of your mind,you are not screwed for life.

I realised that I need to laugh more, lighten up and be comfortable with myself.Then, I can handle anything.

I can!

Hope it reaches you.

2007-06-19T04:55:00.000+08:00

I hope you are proud of all of us.
I love you, Abah. Happy Father's Day.

Take care. May my prayers reach you.

Love n hugs

Zati

Freaky Truth

2007-06-15T14:48:00.000+08:00

You Are Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry.
At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.
When you love someone, you tend to be very giving.

In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.
Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.
You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

Makes Me Wonder

2007-06-14T18:07:00.000+08:00

listening to:

It makes me wonder...

How a dog can be forever loyal with a master
How a kid can ask the same question again and again
How time moves so slowly when we are going to a place yet flies when we are going back
How the world gets smaller as we grow up..(or grow old for some)
How a person can love and later hate someone for the same reason
How adults forgot how it felt to be a kid
How it's easy to love someone but it's hard to let them go
How things you wanted in life is hard to get but easily slips away

How I can ponder as such.

wonder why?

20 things to do in my tweentieth year

2007-06-11T15:01:00.001+08:00

listening:

inspired by momster.thank you.

Vague about everything.

2007-06-03T20:03:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like you are hitting the same stupid ceiling? I certainly do. For some unexplainable reason (for me), I'm stuck in the same gear. It's like I never learn anything out of this whole huge thing you called life..

Am I putting soo much on myself? I dun think so. Is this self-pity. Yes it is, and it's such a pity to do so.

So instead of sulking, let's look at the better part. At least it's not an apocalypse everytime I did something stupid. I tried to read self-help books, the books that I never believed in. I knew there's something fishy when I start to read motivational things.. But, instead being such an egoistic baboon..I guess I"ll try to pick up those books n have a laugh one or two.Who knows it mite as well help me thru this.

It's just a phase in life I guess. Chill.

Searching for that Angel

2007-05-26T02:12:00.000+08:00

I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When were grey and old
cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when Im lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
Im loving angels instead

And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether Im right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
When I come to call she wont forsake me
Im loving angels instead

When Im feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know Ill always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
Im loving angels instead

Note: I wish I could meet you someday. region watch on the way. the ones in bold will be my motto!! somehow i really love that part in this song.

Ketik!

2007-05-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

You must have wonder what "ketik" means...

It's "type" in indonesia.

So yeah, I'm in Bandung now.

So far, my team didn't break..

I swear to GOD, I really want to see a matrix team break. Under the name of Matrix.

Trying hard to beat the karma away, I shop like a Shopaholic Goddess...
(you can tell I'm pretty hard to take it all in)

But, it's a general rule, that retail therapy is BAD!!! then again, it's fun.

Have two days more in Bandung. Pray for my safety and others too.

To Bandung with a Mission

2007-05-08T06:16:00.001+08:00

Will be going to bandung for AUDC 2007

Need to pack my bags.

Pray that our team do great...MATRIX YOU ROCK!

See you in 9 days.

Last Thing in my mind

2007-05-04T01:29:00.000+08:00

When I thought I could carry on with life
When I believed that I will be definitely fine this time
When I thought I am content with who I am and how I am

You had to cross my mind
Made me reflect again
Did I made the right choice

I hate the fact that I still miss you

Dammit~

James Morrison - You give me something

2007-04-22T17:50:00.001+08:00

What do you listen to now?

What do you listen to when u were 14?

2007-04-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

"Soak Up The Sun"

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can't afford his gas
So I'm stuck here watching TV
I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

[CHORUS:]
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I've got a crummy job
It don't pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe i am crazy too

[CHORUS]

I'm gonna soak up the sun
While it's still free
I'm gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me
Don't have no master suite
I'm still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I'm the one who has the key
Every time I turn around
I'm looking up, you're looking down
Maybe something's wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

[CHORUS]

I'm gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on.

My note: And I thought this song is all about butterflies and rainbows.

The Countdown

2007-03-31T12:04:00.000+08:00

Finally the torch is in my hands. The question is to pass it or let it burn out? Being tagged is not easy people..You have to bear with notion that someone else is yearning to know and delve in dirty little weird stuff you do.

*hahaha*

So much of the paranormal activities happening in the blogsphere, I can only say I'm a happy little eccentric bug ;)

I would love to extend my gratitude to Cik Klok, for tagging me ;)

So let's zoom to the weird side to me. First things first, I hope all are fully aware of the regulation of this game.

Rules & Regulations:

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

Are you ready for the weird truth?? Take a breath!!!

#6 Weird thing that Zati can't live without.

Talking in her sleep. I have to say that I can't even remember when I'm sleep talking, but after 2 years arguing over this with my dear roomies ( I miss you girls!), I've learned to embrace it. I'm wondering what did I say, hopefully not some foul rantings about anyone.

*cough*cough*

#5 Weird thing that Zati can't live without.

Tuning to Disney Channel after a bad dream. As kiddy as it may sound, I have to say Walt Disney is one superb psychologist. Somehow all the nightmares just float away and the good warmth of happy happy times in any Disney movie gave a sense of security. Started this habit ever since preschool and my favourite Disney flick would be Beauty and the Beast and Thumbelina (even though it's fox 20th century I still love it!

What else you can trade a bad dream with~

#4 Weird thing that Zati can't live without.

Singing to the web cam. That explain a lot doesn't it....I did go as far as posting it on youtube. End of story ;)

#3 Weird thing that Zati can't live without.

Falling in love...with anime characters! I have a huge crush on Ichigo Kurosaki as as Morita-kun..In my early teens I simply love Rukawa Kaede. Take it from a manga fanatic, you will not forget your first anime crush. hahaha. However my love for anime is fading a bit for lack of anime resources and time to indulge.

*sigh*

#2 Weird thing that Zati can't live without.

Reading a book or watch a series backwards. Thank you to my short patience, I always read the last chapter first and I'm a spoiler proof as well.

And The #1 weird thing that Zati can never live without!!!!

*drum rolls*

I can't think of anything..Ouh ok, not to let you down for reading this far. I have a weird tendacy to walk really really fast..but it's not running..I just walk fast. So that makes me a weird girl I guess.

O life is beautiful! we have weird people and weird friends to balance our own weirdness..hehe

The five people i'm tagging :

* Puteri
* Lutfi
* Angin Angan
* Nabilah
* Jeune Lune

So, people be prepared

Muahahaha

Worried.......(and I mean it)

2007-03-19T16:15:00.001+08:00

Afifah Dear!!! Happy birthday

For a very terriffic person like you..you deserve the best!!
Take care and be safe! Love ya lots

Holidays...

Back in the days, it meant two things. Telly and computer games.

Now,

It means working for some part time job and trying to get back on track before the next term begins..

For starters, I have no idea what happen to the world. I dun read the papers or even catch the evening news.Let alone surfing the net for the latest headlines.

I can't let my hair down that's for sure.

Zero knowledge about anything....i'm pretty scared..

What's going on people??

On top of that, please keep safe and take care

I'm purple..Aint that cool???

2007-03-06T14:45:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic.
You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense.
Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

February Blues

2007-02-23T13:16:00.000+08:00

It's February 2007

I lost a good friend

I'm trying for something I waited for my whole life.

I'm handling two nerve wrecking events

I wanted to go on holiday badly

I'm sleep deprived

I'm missing my blogging day

I'm still around!!!

When evil is from within...

2006-12-28T16:19:00.000+08:00

Listening:

It must be those extra chilis I ate from the Nasi Goreng Kampung last night. My upset tummy wage war against the Master...and I can tell you it's really ugly...

Despite the agony, I came up with a theory. If the bad germs are rampaging in my intestines, I should send the good germs to fight those attrocious bacteria.In the end, here I am eating yogurt out of a good cause. Still waiting if the battle ever ends.

This piece came with the picture. Texts and pic are properties of www.imadistribution.com :)

The natural way to calm stomach-ache
Warm doll, contains quality flax seeds that stores warmth for a prolonged period. Helps ease your baby�s stomach ache and sleep calmly. Pleasant to play with and to hug

Such a cute thing to get rid of this killing pain.

Lesson of the story, never ever tempted yourself to eat unnecessary chilis or anything that can make your tummy ache.

As for other stuff, Debate training is on full steam..(have two fact sheets overdue...oh yeah and some of the on loans books too...hahaha)On the other hand, Rector's cup is coming up..So Hear ye hear ye people!Get ready for the next big tournament in IIU.

And studies, it's just toooooooo boring to tell it in detail.But all in all..I have a great semester so far.

On korean stuff, it seems like the whole IIU is under this korean drama epidemic ever since My girl...Ringtones of korean OST are everywhere.It made my whole affinity to the korean craze so blend and not really special anymore....sniff sniff

But what tha heck, I'm picking up a few korean words along tha way and no one can take that away from me.

I'll say no more.

Flippers!!!

2006-11-17T16:35:00.000+08:00

Listening to:

Patah tumbuh hilang berganti

Oh how I wish phones can grow on trees~

It is really shocking at first to accept the fact that my phone was actually pick pocketed by some desperate fella on the commuter last two weeks.That explains the unanswered calls if anyone tried to reach me...and if someone answered...That's the bloke who stole my phone.Ohh well, I did my share of cursing that person and even considered to stalk the guy..But it's a waste of time..and the guy is not even good looking...

Even though it's scratched here and there and it's affinity to gravity is undeniable, I love that old SonyEricsson K700i. The cam was superb and most of my fav pics and vids are kept in there.Not to mention the hundreds of my contacts all flushed down the drain.(I practically ask the nearby policeman to search for it or at least do something..he end up feeling sorry for me anyway...not much help there).

As if there's a travelling curse around the house, kak long lost her phone last two days..or was it yesterday. And in thin air.... two sleek and cute Sony Ericcson Z300i phones appeared!!(*points to picture ^^*)

Of course, we had to dash to the nearby phone vendor, buy the phones, pick up our simcards , drove back home. And then, the phones appeared in thin air!

We decided to buy the same model at the same place and tried to bargain for a cheaper price.The plan worked more or less..and we went back home with glinting eyes and drooling over these new clam phones ^^

I always wanted one of this clam phones on two reasons:

most Korean dramas have these cute babes in most of their series
Clam phones always have this cute sounds when u flip em....but this one does not have this feature.

All in all, I gave this phone a 7 out of ten. It's affordable, has all the basic necessity(of course it can make a call...) The colored casing can be change. A phone will get another free casing upon purchase..According to the sales guy, if u wear read, u can change to the red casing...As if I had all the time in the world to do that...But then again that's not a bad idea hehehehe!

So, Yup I changed my number, I thought of sticking to the old one. But it's such a fuss. So if there's anyone need my new number..please email me or message me your number, There will be a default message waiting for every message I get.

Off to tinker around with the phone.

take care^^

Dong Wook Oppa is cool..But I fell for the Pretty Guy

2006-11-15T08:09:00.002+08:00

Listening to:

This is Lee Jun Ki everyone. Despite of his pretty face, I think he does have a sharp character..If not, I wont be googling him down. And if you happen to watch his feat in Lee Soo Young's Grace video clip..It's really awesome...The storyline is pretty nice. Don't worry I wont be posting any die-hard-fan-of-junki type of post..So dun expect me to go all goo goo ga ga about him.

Just posting this up for the sake of posting this song ahahahah!!

Holiday!!!! YAY!

2006-11-15T07:33:00.000+08:00

Listening to:

Cool huh??? Now all of you can listen to what I'm listening.. I've been surf binging again*Sigh* The chilly night got to my bones.So,I woke up around 4 in the morning and have been roaming the net for hours. Since it's the holidays, I reckon it's a great fresh start to revamp the blog and do some cleaning around the house..

Since it's pretty early in the morning now...And it's the "peak hour"..Raihan going to school or is she skipping school again today, So, I must make this post a brief one.

I put new links in my "people" section. Charon's, Nabilah Hani's and Lutfi's. They are great people with fun stories. I guarantee it's a good read.

Check out the new header.. I simply love the simplicity of it. And Coffee is just so irresistible!
The pic is from Sketchblog.com.It's a really pretty site. But, it seems she stopped writing or posting any news since 2004. There 'll be a link to hers soon.

So, there you go..A little something for all of you. Enjoy the Hols~

Coming up...and when I have time that is..Raya pics ^^...espcially for kak ana!

The Rain Cloud

2006-10-27T16:39:00.000+08:00

Watching: My Girl clips on YOUtube...new addictions~

The rainy season has arrived :) and for some funny reason, I love the light shower and watch the tiny raindrops on the window pane.

As if purifying the soul and cleansing away the sorrows..

So much for a new update..I can't think of anything...
Guess life is dull in Serdang or PJ..

Even life is monotonous sometimes...I love the things I do, the people I work with and the same sky we live under..

Maybe I could talk about this newly developed interest on guys.
Hmmm let say, it's a new way to view at this opposite gender..
Maybe you will say I'm hopeless...(hahaha ...partially)

A new enlightment has bestowed onto me. I can't keep my eyes off..........Gong Chan Oppa!!!

I'll stick to imaginary guys for now...fiction guys.

Korean fiction guys, Anime Characters.. (^^ zati counting with her fingers..pondering)

Ohhh yeah...It's Raya.May you have a blessing month of eidul fitri and may my love extend to all of you.

All the best for the FINALS!!! The thought of it made me scared stiff.

Take care!!

Sarang Heyo~..................(whispering:..................Gong Chan Oppa~)

(resulting from a nonstop korean drama vcd marathon that I insisted to inflict myself with....)

2006-10-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

forwarded by one of my pals..thanks humairah!!

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;

If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

SO HARD TO PLEASE!!!!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true.......

but if u don't they say u are selfish.....

Send this to guys out there anyway...

Send it to girls also, give them some laughter...

Fields of gold

2006-09-22T18:52:00.000+08:00

Listening to Sting, fields of gold

Ya Allah,

I learnt something very beautiful today. All this years I am in the middle of the fields of gold that I always dream about.. The airy feeling, the warm rays of the sun.... But I kept my eyes shut and missed out so many good things in my fields of gold.

Yes , my fields of gold is the family and friends that I always left them out from my life. I have so many people around me, who is there during time of trials and laughter. But was I there for them, to give a smile and the fuzzy feeling that they never failed to do every single day.

God, if I ever can turn back the dial and try to cherish and thank them everyday ..I will..... i'm forever indebt with those special individuals...your vibrant personality, made me learn to laugh again

I would make a list of name ...but I know it would never end.

So, I'm trying to step back into my fields of gold and learn to love again.

We will meet someday.

2006-09-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

Listening: Cranberries, Linger.

Living with three roommates who are going steady with someone, doesn't really urges me to rush myself just to be in the same picture.

Take it slow and savor the seconds I have for myself, is more like it. Unless I'm 30 and still scouting for a man who is willing enough to put up with me for the rest of his life and really comprehend with my antics , I'm in no hurry. I can safely say, I'm not interested for a guy which is "boyfriend" material. What I'm looking for and what most men fear - full commitment, acceptance and completing each other. ( No, I'm not talking about Mr perfect here...)

But..Not today, not now and not for another 7 years. Yeah, I know I can't stop fate from taking place...When it happens, it happens ....Just not now.

Whoever you are Mr Stranger, I hope you are doing well. Maybe you are at home, drifting away in slumberland. While I'm here wide awake dreaming about the possibilities that are promised in the future. Sleep tight Mr. Stranger, I just want to let you know I'm saving this heart for you. So, by the time I meet you, I'm happy to give you my whole heart - unbroken, untouched.

So shoot me!

2006-09-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

It's really hard to admit to yourself that some of your attitude really bites. I can be very shallow and pessimistic at times. Just to clarify things, I'm not feeling low or anything close to depression. I'm fairly happy and content with what I am and what I have.

The only matter that is really nagging me is the fact I'm bad with people. I really do love to delve into their interests and thoughts. Every attempt that I do, there's this glass barrier that I kept bump into. Believe me it's killing me big time.

*The invisible walls*

I've come to an end where I realized I love to make pre judgment for people who are around me. Thanks to my impatience, my tendency to jump into conclusions made me such a judgmental person. It's easy to type it down and try to convince myself to turn a new leaf and be a pleasant person. The execution of it is another story altogether.

I find it a hassle just to strike a conversation and make it understandable. It's not that I don't talk to people, I just start blabbering and yapping around before you can even say heidi ho. I am a boisterous person lately and I'm longing for my quiet self where I'm the observer. Logic: less talking, less confusion and less public humiliation. I do acknowledge that I can't stay silent and end up passive. I just that I don't wanna say the wrong things frequently and make people frown. In the same time I have to work with people..I'm a mess.

Does that means I'm anti-social?? I have no idea where I'm heading to with this post..But I guess I'm still in the dark tunnel and only see a glint of light.(at least there's a tiny speck of light)

*Meet The Hamdans*

On the other hand, the second debate league was a great one. Self-improvement maybe a bit slow progressing but learning new stuff makes it all worthwhile. I insisted to name the team "Meet the Hamdans". Coincidently, Zamir's surname is Hamdan too (In the M country our surname is our dad's name), But we are not related or have any family-ties what-so-ever. The fun part, the name did indeed cause some commotion..huhu. And that's not all, teaming up with Zamir is fun. No pressure and I really like his organizing skill. This guy has an enormous potential and I believe one day (and very soon I guess) you people will be gobsmacked when the next you see him debate. As for me, stuck at the same gear is really tiresome, but with the huge help from all of you and myself..I'll surprise you. InsyaAllah.

So, anyone up for a shoot-the-target and a win a prize?

Milk and chocolate

2006-09-01T12:44:00.001+08:00

Here I am blogging in an insecure environment. At least today there is no "sisters" lurking at the edge of my space and nosing around. It just that I have a policy to never blog in public cyber cafes. Suprisingly today, I feel like blogging soooo much and the temptation won the battle...

Sipping my low fat milk...(breakfast at 12), trying to get out from my groggy self..I woke up early today I just slept in a few more hours because I'm free as a bumble bee who does not have classes on firdays

So let's talk about something more serious....(hmmmmm..thinking very hard)

-----------------blank----------------

Now that's what I'm afraid of ..a training-less week just scares me...I skipped reading the news and believe me the local tv news doesnt help that much..

That's the funny thing about the local news broadcast...they talk nonsense.
And it's really cringing....irksome....funny...

Anyway...on the not soooo serious side

There'll be a second debate league in gombak and perhaps Nabilah and I will have a sleepover at Afifah's...(the image of me acting like a 12 year old brat......nahhh u just dun wanna go there)

Teaming up with Zamir. I hope we make a good team :)*insyaAllah*

1640 hours
Multipurpose Lab A

It's a beautiful friday!!! The sky is blue, the breeze is just nice and I finished reading Nicholas Sparks' The Guardian...Okey, I'm almost finishing it, but I already read the ending of the book right after I got my hands on it. So far, I really like Sparks' casual writing. His fondness to set his stories in little towns and suburbs, makes the story close to the heart and as if it's just another normal life thing...Thanks to the Guardian, my whole paranoia about marriage and being stuck with a domestic partner...is building even greater. Hahaha...How ironic~

For those who are accustomed to Sparks' novels, reading the Guardian is definitely one of Sparks' tales with a twist..Yeah, the writing style is all in there..but the psychotic dude who stalks over Julie, now that's something different..

I got loads to write on...But the lab is closing..About being in the lab, I just discovered that we can use it for free ( I guess..reconfirmed..yeah it's free).

For the a year and a half I'm occupying matrix..this is the first time I ever learn about this
sigh..(what else did I left out)

1715 hours
Jenab's CC

Gosh, this is one of my blogging hype days...I just can't help myself.(God forbid the Government to ever take our rights away)

I bet most you must have known by now, there was this commotion about the warnings that were directly addressed to bloggers of the M country. So much for the parliment we have, freedom of speech is not really a common practice here. That's explain a whole lot of things. I shall remain silent now..

Finally a piece of decent news

On My region watch project..I'm setting up a blog for My RW..so ppl who are interested about the middle east, you can find bits of news and links..

For the time being, Iran defies U.N and the prospect of sanctions is possible.

Ok folks..Happy Hols

Hopes and wishes

2006-08-27T13:45:00.000+08:00

Soaking up the sun in the kitchen..Just letting down my hair while running my fingers through pages and pages of words...Temporarily lost in my own laid back world..Listening to soft songs....you get the picture..

YeshHH...I'm home and I'm happy..It might not be something like a gigantic villa or some sophiscated apartment...But it's home.

The sound of raihan screaming, eating chilled seedless watermelon..(a whole big slice..a quarter of the melon actually..hehe =D) , seeing my little ones playing ps2..(kindda interesting too)..hmm wearing baggy shirts, opening the fridge in the mornings, waking up from my own bed, the sweet smell of lavender soap...makes everything sooo ..home..

Being away for a month does indeed do wonders..It makes me see the little things that makes life more worth living. And believe me the past few weeks were hectic like crazy..Peer projects, engineering studies (yes, I'm talking about calculus and organic chemistry), debate and the long line of assignments and laundry (hehe, i made Mt Everest in a day..)

So where was I, a month ago...?

Went to Kedah...and came back with a funny kedahan's slang..
Went to the debate league and InterKulliyyah. Speaking of debate, all i can say is, it's a month of struggling and be a better debater ...and the struggling is not even near the end yet..

A month later~

At home, enjoying some good tv..(is it good???), home cooked food and it happen to be my birthday today..Yes, I'm officially 19 and I feel like a 7 year old kid..

In the old days..(heh i sound like a granma),

It's been sort of a family tradition to celebrate birthdays together..I mean all the august people in my nucleus family share the same cheese cake..and yes, chesse cake is a must..

But after a while, I guess all of us grew up and dad's not around..we stopped having cheese cakes or really celebrate birthdays.

But screw the cheese cakes..all that matter is now, family and good friends..life is better that way.

Thanks to all my birthday wishers...ones who called..text messaged or the ones who left a testimonial at my friendster account..Thank you soo much..And Kak long for the nice bookmark, kak ana, for the cute chicky card..(really fuzzy and warm...hehe).Thank you to izzati for baking such a marvelous choc birthday cakes..(You are the first person to bake me a b'day cake..except mom that is..)

All I can say, I feel blessed to have all of you in my life and Alhamdulillah, your presence in my little world is a gift and I cant ask for more..Love ya'll.

One of the cool facts, I learnt yesterday.. Mars was supposed to be very close to Earth and the next time you can see it that close is in year 2287...(thanx to kak ana and nabilah)

Also, something special is happening the night of your birthday. You might have heard this already, but the evening of August 27th 2006 between 10pm-2am is the best time to see Mars now it is as close to Earth as it has been in 60,000 years. In fact, scientists believe the last time Mars was this close to earth was when Neanderthals walked the land. Cool huh?Supposedly Mars will look as big as the moon.http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3184157.stm

Happy 19th Birthday Zati. May Allah keep you in His blessing.

Much love,

Kak Ana

Unfortunately, it was a bit cloudy.. Fadhly, Raihan and I went outside last night..staring at the dark night sky in hopes of a glimpse of Mars.. and went back inside empty handed..

As for me..it wasnt much about scavenging for Mars..it's more about sitting there gazing at the cloudy sky with my bro and sis..and just relax to the silent of the night. That's one of the gift that no one can buy for me..

And I think I saw mars when I was in Form 4 and it happened to be 27th august too..So I didnt miss much..hehe

Thanx again to everyone...Didja had a great weekend?..I sure did.

Second Year and many more to come..

2006-07-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

It's only two weeks in the new semester and believe me ..life in matrix started out really fast this time. Everything is on quick pace and luckily I still got the chance to catch this ride.

Basic stuff, I have 4 core subjects and 1 FIM. Going to the gym is my new routine....even how hectic my day was..I love to spend an hour working out now. Thanks to Sarah, I owe you a lot for dragging me to the gym. Debate trainings have started. A new pool of faces in the scene. I am indeed grinning to myself when we had a full house in LHF and the new crowd is not bad at all. New potentials and I have a hunch that I could learn a lot from them. It seems that we have many experienced first year students and I hope they hang in there until they finish their studies in matrix. On top of that, I'll surely miss the old gang.

Thanks to Azrul, Azahan, Raihan, Ezanee, Hadi, Suhaib, Fareez, Kak Mi, Alif ( and his roomies) , Faiz and all I missed out...Thank you for making this year first Demo Debate a blast =) And I apologise if it didnt run smoothly or anything like it. I'm sure the new comers had a great time and a new prespective on debate.

Peers (aka PRS) report - although I could be a bit reluctant in involving too much with the matrix peers, they chose me to be one of the fasilitator for the next motivational camp in Kuala Nerang, Kedah. After thinking about it, I just go for the heck of it. Plus, I kinda love dealing with school kids. So, I'm going to Kedah next weekend. Looking forward to learn more and be useful once in a while. Just pray it won't clashes with any debate stuff or quizzes.

So, I'm home now, eating bits of chocolate that Kak Ana sent to us..(Kak Ana I love the Jelly beans!! reminded me of Harry Potter's Bertie Botts all flavoured beans.. It surely is!! thanks kak ana..miss you lots)

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Listening to Switchfoot's Dare You to Move.(all time fave ...It's good to be home!!)

Wondering..

2006-07-09T00:06:00.000+08:00

I heard a friend of mine telling me that the strongest man (this is a general term..ie applies to all homo sapiens) is not the strongest man.

Sometimes people can be seen so energetic, powerful and happy. But are they truly happy? Are they really strong and secure? Surprisingly, many display their strong qualities just because the mere fact that they are individuals who are insecure and feel threatened deep inside. This does not indicate if you are a scaredy cat and very pessimist about life i.e. always complaining and being grouchy, you are actually very emotionally stable inside. Well, it's hard to tell really.

Craving for acceptance and acknowledgment, people lie to themselves. Yes, we are those individuals who wakes up in the morning, goes to the mirror and say I'm the best person in the whole wide world and give a big wide smile with a wink to our own reflection.

In my previous posts, I'll always questioned why on earth we need to lie to ourselves. Why we need to wear masks? It's a simple logic really. You are wearing that mask for the sake that people around you welcome you to their circle based on their beliefs and so on. No one likes to the black sheep and getting bad remarks. We are doing this because we are afraid to be hurt. Some of us ended becoming confused and start to get ideas that their are living a split personality life.

So, I pause and reflect back. Why do I love to ask myself that why I'm not a brilliant person..ok ok..maybe I'm not. But I indeed feel small in this world and powerless and nothing seems to be in control anymore. The answer is easy. WE are powerless and you can't actually expect that you can have the whole globe in your hands, because Allah is the Almighty and one can truly be strong when he hold to His words and believe in faith. Countless times, I almost forget that Allah is looking over me and taking care of me night and day.

Thank You Allah to chose me as a Muslim. Life is beautiful when I look through that kaleidoscope, because I believe that in His eyes we are all the same and we don't need to prove ourselves that we are strong or brag about our achievements. At least, I know I'm worth in His eyes and He'll surely loves me back..(note to self: rajin rajin le beribadat and we are lucky because everything can be ibadat ;D...)

What do you think?

PS:Going to start a new term..Yay! (I'm not being sarcastic here) and finally I found my copy of the Da Vinci Code...gosh I never got to finish it just yet..and they already have a movie on it.

just a glimpse.

2006-07-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Ahan's card for mom's birthday.New kitty on the block,Jac Jac.

Dancing with the broom.organised chaos.

0700 hours, Ahan woke me, threw my hair band in the face and the next thing I know, there's a bee or more like a "penyengat" stung my right arm. Still in a daze, swiftly, my left arm just smacked that bee off my arm. After a while I felt this pain spreading in my veins..my nerves were shocked of course..and my head can't register what's going on...

A part of me just wanna go back to bed and sleep under the duvet..to make sure there is no second attacks from any bee..lebah madu ke..ape ke.. and another part of me alarmed me that I should go downstairs and seek for medication..who knows if the bee is a "killer bee"...and the poison just spread under my skin and cause me my life..(mann....my head can be melodramatic sometimes.)

The process to come up with a decison took me abot 10 minutes..So I just make my way to the livingroom.And automatically went to...mom...

me: Mak, kene sengat lebah pagi pagi ni..ni tengok ni dia punya penyengat..(showing mom the remains of the bee...ie the "penyengat part..heck I dunno what u call it)

Mak: Put some ointment, it'll wear off in a while. If it still swells maybe we need to see a doctor and take some shots...

Me: Mak..is it life threatening??

DING DING...I watched too many dramas. I have to confess that if I ever got sting by a bug or bitten by a rat..I would start imagining stuff like the poison or germs creeping into me..taking control of my antibody....Mannn it's scary..Ok ..I dun like to be sick or hurt..I'm paranoid.

But hell, I woke up early today. I slept around 5 am the night before. That's another problem. I'm not kidding when I say I have sleep disorders..and it's getting worse. I'll sleep around 4 or 5 and wake up around 11 or 12 the next day..And during the night..I dun do anything pun..Just watch some tv shows or just surfing the net. I know it's not healthy...but I dun know how to stop.Any ideas? Yeah I think it's insomia for no reason.I dun hafta watch any football match since.....My beloved team have to take a bow earlier... T.T

So, perhaps tonite I'll try to catch some sleep right after this.

For the time being...

2006-07-03T16:24:00.000+08:00

This indicates I will never change teams...Even for the next world cup.

2006-07-01T04:08:00.000+08:00

In the silence of the night, I watched the match alone in the living room. Clenching my fist, every pass that argentina made lift up the anxiety. But I still hang on...I know Germany will make a comeback...

11 minutes left...

I hate the argentinians crowd...So content of themselves.

10 minutes left...

Klose!!!!!! That was beautiful. He aint call a Top scorer for nothing!!! Take that!

Shoot-out

Come on Lehmann! Show 'em what u'r worth!....

-Almost in silent tears....Germany WONNNN!!!!-

The Post-Drama..

Both sides punching each other...well the game is over..there is no use to pick a fight...
But it is good to punch them hard though

So far....
I hope the germans wont be that comfortable now..I think Italy will be playing against them..
It was a Good Game..I love it when I see my favorite team never game never gave up. Maybe some opt for highly skilled players...some go for big names.. I'll go for a team that never let the crowd down.Playing with all their might.Against all odds. That's Germany..

I can't say no more

2006-07-01T03:22:00.000+08:00

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Time for A quiz craze

2006-06-29T18:58:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 40% Female, 60% Male

You have a total boy brain
Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts
And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...
You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

PS:It is time to hit the outdoors..I've been coop up to long inside and start to post an entry every single day..sigh~

A mosaic of my life.

2006-06-28T18:56:00.000+08:00

Summer in my bedroom.

Button on my shirt.

A sister drooling in awe over Sydney.

Day to do laundry.

p/s;it's fun to play around with kak long's new cam..muahaha.

Ohh yeah I'm listening to: Ahan nagging and Kak long rambling about life in general.

The "life is" series..Today's theme is Rent

2006-06-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

Dido - Life for Rent

It really means a lot. Always reminds me to stand on the ground..not on the clouds. Enjoy!

Live Strong 101

2006-06-26T15:43:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Utada hikaru's Wait and see

Dear life,

People always say life is full of choices. But, no one ever mentioned fear. For a person like me, physically small and always get that oh-my-god-she'll-break-anytime-soon kind of look, I feel that people think I'm fragile. Maybe no one had mention it to me, but the truth is...I'm human and I can sense it.

Maybe I am weak in certain things and in malay terms...."gelabah" and a bit of a klutz too. There are times, I feel that I'm a total idiot from the land of brainless people and i think I have been there, done that...got the t-shirt. Straight to the point, what I'm trying to say is....I'm afraid of being like this forever.

It is believed that you'll get stronger when you know your fears.It is a known fact that you'll win the battle when you know your foe. My nemesis is my fears. My battle is within myself. My aim is to never be defeated

I have no idea where I got this theory

Step One: Learn from your fears...

to be continued....(bloody yeah..I need to learn what my fears are)

p/s: Germany is going to the Quater-Finals!!!They'll meet Argentina.*fingers crossed*

It's hard to turn down a person

2006-06-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

Listening to: analyze by Cranberries

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

huh a bit relieved..

It is pretty funny when a person you least expected, approached you and out of the blue asked you...
To be his *mannnn...It's even hard to type it down*..........girl friend..(damn it!)

Some might think it's flattering and ahhhh so swcheet.

This is 3 reasons why in my case I don't find it cute:

A) Heck..I dun even know you..now you are rushing things down!
B) I just get to learn what your name is..which is yesterday!!
c) Plus...you don't even know me.......(that's important ya know!!!)

I'm not being prejudice or anything close to it..or maybe I am...
But when it comes to....*see it's hard to type it down*.....heart matters
I pray to God..at least I get to be with a person that completes me...and at the right time..not now

Because I know....

I'm still naive..and couldn't care less bout this now
I would just end up hurting someone else... do you think I like it when I hurt someone..Hell NO!!
Everyone deserve to be with a better person..other than me.
I can't commit to anyone now...I have tonnes of things I need to figure out first...like the path of my life and where it's heading to..
It's really hard to fall for a person I don't even know...

I do not know if it wise to paste the conversation here.I hope that person..if he read this..he would understand.

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:46:46 AM): hey

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:47:10 AM): me X

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:47:21 AM): hey...

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:47:31 AM): zati here.

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:47:37 AM): i know

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:47:40 AM): buat apa

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:47:50 AM): just checking my email..

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:47:59 AM): ic

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:48:07 AM): thanks for adding me

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:48:14 AM): after this I have to go n help things around the house

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:48:21 AM): ic

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:48:22 AM): no prob

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:48:24 AM): ok..

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:48:37 AM): u look cute in the photo

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:48:52 AM): thank you :)

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:49:00 AM): :)

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:49:08 AM): u mind race when u find bf>??

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:49:10 AM): just ask

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:49:12 AM): :)

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:49:29 AM): hahaha

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:49:39 AM): hehe

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:49:41 AM): r ya trying to pull some strings here??

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:49:52 AM): but i dun mind hving a bf from another race

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:49:58 AM): yah

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:50:00 AM): say NO to racism!

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:50:03 AM): haha

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:50:13 AM): haha

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:50:33 AM): me trying pull some string

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:50:34 AM): can??

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:51:13 AM): can pikat u??

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:51:19 AM): hmmm..u ask yourself

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:51:33 AM): mean i want i can

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:51:37 AM): ok

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:51:38 AM): haha

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:51:46 AM): mean i want i can??

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:52:55 AM): meaning my effort lah

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:53:21 AM): yeah..

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:53:32 AM): but don't get ur hopes high...

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:53:33 AM): u single?

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:53:39 AM): ok

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:53:40 AM): y??

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:53:43 AM): I guess so...

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:53:47 AM): ok

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:53:55 AM): scare i get hurt?

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:54:18 AM): because I'm pretty much in love being single right now..

mr X(6/26/2006 10:54:18 AM): u dun mind chinese as bf lah??

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:54:27 AM): ok

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:54:27 AM): no I dun mind...

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:54:28 AM): ic

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:54:45 AM): but i do mind finding the right guy

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:54:52 AM): ic

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:54:52 AM): but hey,,,,

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:55:27 AM): what's the fun..just geting a bf...when u can a have whole lot of..friends...

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:55:30 AM): hehe...

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:56:49 AM): true

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:57:15 AM): let just be fren

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:57:16 AM): first

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:57:51 AM): frens right?

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:57:55 AM): yah

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:58:04 AM): let be frens

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 10:59:41 AM): yah..no prob...

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:59:46 AM): ok

Mr X (6/26/2006 10:59:48 AM): :0

Mr X(6/26/2006 10:59:50 AM): :)

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:00:06 AM): we can meet when i in -name of a place- or not

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:00:11 AM): since u in serdang

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:00:56 AM): if i have the chance to go around in -name of that place-

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:01:18 AM): also we can meet in mines?

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:01:31 AM): cos easier from-name of that place again..-

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:01:34 AM): if i'm not busy...

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:01:36 AM): n near from serdang

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:01:37 AM): yah

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:01:52 AM): but hey we can always meet in tournaments..can't we?

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:01:56 AM): yah

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:01:58 AM): true

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:06:33 AM): no class?

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:06:42 AM): nope

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:06:42 AM): may i hv your number??

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:07:13 AM): wat your hp number??

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:07:33 AM): 017 *******

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:07:39 AM): what's urs huh?

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:07:46 AM): 012*******

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:07:54 AM): ok..

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:08:03 AM): I gotta go now..

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:08:09 AM): bye

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:08:11 AM): cya

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:08:12 AM): sumones calling me

zatihamdan (6/26/2006 11:08:19 AM): have a fine day

Mr X (6/26/2006 11:08:23 AM): ok

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:08:25 AM): u too

Mr X(6/26/2006 11:08:34 AM): tata

And I still hang around a few more hours on the computer...and actually no one called me.

Man....I guess it's my fault for not stating it out clear...I guess I've been sending the wrong messages. I guess he's not the kind of person who read between the lines....

I learnt my lesson. All of this looks familiar. I had done this before..( I mean I have been in Mr X's shoes)

Doing almost the same thing to a certain individual without even thinking how would the other party reacts...

And again...I have to go through this same deja vu but the characters change roles..and I'm the one that have to say...no...in a way.

God!! I dunno how to say it...

When this happened, it makes the wheels in my head spin..

On another scenario, I kindda agreed on what Lobo sang in his song "Don't expect me to be your friend". I've been thinking of it for a while.

Even it's only a one sided infatuation, subconsciously, I'm avoiding myself to be attach to the guy that I've mistaken for a lot of things, yeah because I'm afraid to fall deeper to something unknown.

Ok, I feel awkward and I don't even know what I'm saying now.But one thing is for sure, I'm not gonna mess around with cupid.

I love train rides, bus rides..and sometimes cab rides.

2006-06-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

I took this pic on the commuter and two middle aged men staring at me like I'm a "jakun"

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the
Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

This piece is by Train and somehow it always plays in my head when I had long train rides...like today!!

I heard someone screamed..

2006-06-23T03:37:00.000+08:00

It's 3.30 am. I'm not watching football tonight. I guess my biological clock is off-track somehow and my sleeping order ia all over the place. I'm not sleepy at all and I'm growing black eye-bags.

As addressed by mum, "kelawar", I am happily blog hopping and playing pac-man on the same time around this hour. Tonight, I gave winamp a rest and let the silence of the night fill the atmosphere. While my fingers quickly navigating my little pac man on the monitor, I heard someone let out a loud cry.Almost hysterical. I paused my game.

It's not any of the girls..obviously not the guys.Wait a sec..sounded like someone sceaming in mandarin...Bahhh!! it was my back door neighbour.(I was thinking to dig up the baseball bat..)

I think I better head to bed, since I have to wake early tomorrow and catch the morning train.Ok I'm spooked out..a little.

But before that, I need to do some picture editting.On second thoughts, I leave it till tomorrow too.I just heard some vehicle honked...sounds like an old train's whistle..whatever you call it..It's getting creepy.

Ahhh classic arcade~

2006-06-22T20:40:00.000+08:00

Pac-Man

Game Code 4 your page

The "life is" series

2006-06-22T16:36:00.000+08:00

After hundreds of post on confusing identity crisis

God has sent me a message

......in MPH

Well, a lesson in life do cost a few penny.

So, I just put it in my shopping cart.

Guten Tag!!!

2006-06-21T01:14:00.000+08:00

I just knew Germany will kill off Ecuador by the minute that Klose goaled for Germany on the 4th minute. I may not be a soccer whiz, but I have a hunch that Germany will go far this time round!!

They MUST!! I've been cheering them on since day one.
On the last world cup (2002) it was the same scenario, I stood by this team hoping they could have won the trophy. No switching teams for me. It's Germany all the way!! Through thick or thin.

This year, it seems that I'm the only girl in the household who watch the World cup earnestly. The last one, I watched it with dad. Now, it's not gonna be like that anymore. It's funny..I told dad that Germany will win the cup in 2006. But, he's not here to see it.

It could be fun to watch the match with all the girls back in ZC. The sound of cheering and jeering add more spice to the game I guess. I hoped Elly watched this match..I bet she's screaming and cheering on for our favorite striker...Ahhh Klose , you're the man!!! Just to let you guys know, that pic is a pic of klose after he scored his 3rd goal in the world cup. I love it when he does his somersault!! I'm a happy bug tonite~

for more news on the match go here>>
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/world_cup_2006/4853270.stm

You never can erase a picture of a person from your heart

2006-06-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

Listening to : Keith Urban - Making Memories of Us

Abah, it has been four years now. I almost can't imagine how we could actually manage our lives and move on without you. Perhaps on this father's day, there is no presents or your warm hugs, but one thing is for sure - our prayers will always be with you. I still remember the long car rides, the lobo songs we sang along the way. For a while, time stood still. All the memories of you flashed back...Cleaning the cobwebs in my head.

A man of his words. Always respected and cherished by all. The man who taught me that life is all about sacrifices and savoring every second that it has to offer...Make it worth while it last. We are doing just fine.

Thank you Abah, for being my dad. Happy father's day~

These Are A Few of My Favorite things~

2006-06-18T10:44:00.000+08:00

Full House MV (Lee Bo Ram)

I can hear the birds singing..My spring has come!

Things that made me happy today..

1) Made myself a cool polaroid effect for my blogs banner using adobe photoshop 7.0.

2)Hearing to Lee Bo Ram, Full House OST. It feels like candy everytime I hear it.

3)It's the Hols!!!!

Just to let everyone know, anyone can comment on my blog now..even if u are not a blogger member.

Happy Surfing!!

GO GERMANY!!!

2006-06-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

The tv area was heaten up as there was no goals from Germany ( or poland... but who cares ....)

I was yelling like mad...The referee is STUPID....Now I dun even care if they wanna use instant replay for stupid referees...

But thank god neuville save the day..I love Ya soooo much now...Saving grace....the 91st minute ..god..

I have a sore throat and just fininshed my computer final...huhu..

N stayed up till 5 this morning..For the good of the game....!!!!

Shells and claws

2006-06-12T21:33:00.001+08:00

Hehe it's amusing to see Sarah shrieking in her attempt to toy around little Eddy...or was it Annie??

Eddy and annie are Syu's lil turtle babies...(I still believe it's terrapines...heck)

So cute and very hyper lately. In their little aquarium, there's this miniature brigde.Annie climbed all the way up and fell down on her back..huhu..Amazing..

No wonder some therapist use animals to heal patients. No wonder I'm a bit off the weather lately, I miss my old pets..my cats...Tupai and Labu. Hope they are doing fine out in the wild world..Their little acts makes me smile in awe..At least there are still ways to feel that warm tingle.

On the other hand, just got back from Great Serdang Debate..Fareez n the guys sent me back to matrix around 1 am, last nite. The Grand Finals ended late. So, when we were about to enter the gates..One of the pak guard..Tried many things to scare me. He told me that that ZC have this spot check...Hahahaha

My God... I lived there for a year...No way, they gonna have Spot check at two in the morning.He thinks I'm STUPID!!!...Aiya...He thinks I'm little girl la...(well most of the people I met think I'm one anyway...they just dun know me..I look innocent but it's better if I dun tell the other part of me...Muahahaha)

Met few more people in GSD along the way. All the familiar faces.Debated against Alif n Dila from UITM for the third time. Zaim seems having a break for a while. We beaten them. Despite that fact, my speaker's ranking..is horrendous...I still didn't improvise...still weak in speeches...But I wont give in...No one's stopping me. Just wait n see..wait n see.I need to kick myself and wake UP!!!

I downloaded Goo Goo Dolls' Iris into my phone (Kudos to anuar from uitm!). God I swear..that song really suit one of the chapters in my life...I learn that song when I watched City of Angels, starring Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan. At the age of 11, I know it's a plain lie when Meg Ryan was run down by a huge trailer..( or some big vehicle...I can't remember what it is actually) and still passed away in grace and without a drop of blood on her body...

It's been playing in my mind frequently...(Been playing it over and over on my mp3 list anyway). And I really think it fits this guy that happens to be one of the person I'm a bit fond of not so long ago. Eventually, I really can't help myself from not telling him that I had this...newly found crush on him. I really hoped he didn't get me wrong..I jus wanna let him know..that's it. But after that one..it will be a long time for me to have that funny feeling again. If u ask me now, I still have no regrets spilling the beans to the guy.Now, we're cool and most importantly - still friends.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

...Hmm..feel very connected to this piece. It reminds me of Mum and dad and all the clan and anyone else that I feel worth remembering...

Sense and Sensibility..It's all in my hands

2006-06-12T18:05:00.000+08:00

I was lying on my bed..Flipping through Reader's Digest. Feeling a bit like a blank piece of paper (I was refering to myself). Plain, empty and flat. Emotionless and doesn't care less bout the universe.

I was just about to read the " You Said It" column, the readers' comments on previous articles..Till these few words hit me..

We live inside a shell and pretend everything is fine when it is not

I jumped out of my bed, felt my fingers were itching to write a post

I've been living in my empty shell, where I thought life is always just about being great (or pretend to be one), a one man show...where everything should revolves around me...and I have to give a great show...So, I wont be misunderstood by anyone. So I can proudly call myself a good actress. I can tell people..or rather express to them that I'm worthy....In the end of the day, what is there left to prove?

I've been asking stupid questions to myself again...I blamed myself for a giving the lamest show on earth...not performing well in anything..name it..social life.. Or studies......And I had to remind myself that I'm such a loser.....ahhh never mind...

My bad....

Well, I promised myself to stop saying that I look like a sick old stray cat while staring at the mirror...

I promised to empower my brain..(wooahhh it sound that...great)... with more positive thoughts and untie the knots in my heart....(note: It's not a boy prob....yuck..Some self-inflicting prob.which I think I know how to deal with it)

I promised never to look down on myself...Well no one is gonna look up at me...So It's up to me to do so.

Anyway, I heard that the first man that land on the moon moment is a hoax...Another white man's lie...Still searching the sources...

Interesting...well fadhly will be arguing with me on this...good good.

Can't wait for the hols, wanna watch some movies.

Reflection....the angle is the same with the incidence angle..So jus go wif tha flow!!

2006-06-08T16:52:00.000+08:00

Reflecting...reflecting...ok...reflecting really hard....

I saw a pre-U student...to be exact she's doing engineering in some local university..Wait a sec, isn't that me munching off some oily Pisang Goreng in front of the CC's pc?

Eating therapy..not bad ehh? Felt like munching all the time. I dun really mind if I turn out like a balloon. What I'm afraid of is being sick...

Guilt trip...*sigh*

But the oily stuff taste superb~.. Sarah really dragged me to the gym yesterday!. For a while, it feels like...YIPPIE!!!...haha can't actually describe it in words..is that what u feel when u are happy? Dun ask me..I dunno know...Ok I'm being such a whiny bug lately. And I had to tell it to the whole wide world...(ummm Web)

The only solution to a nutcase like me is ...HOLIDAY!!!!

Need that retreat badly now. It's been ages since I roam the roads and trudge in little streams.. Uhh Uhh..no shopping malls for me. Had enough of it now..

The Backlash....(If I dun get my holiday....Noooo)

I'll write much much much shallow post....which will affect the whole image of the world being a happy happy place.....(puff yeah...right!!!)

So I come to a peace of mind...(Trying very hard to find the zen within)

I think I need to keep myself away from blogging for a while until I get my sense back...(god knows when)..anyway... need to strive very hard for this coming finals..

Just to let everyone know....I'm ok....for now..muahahaha..

It's a bumpy ride..

2006-06-07T16:02:00.000+08:00

After two Roti Canai keju and a big glass of iced milo....I knocked myself out from 11.30 am to 2 pm....And I'm worried I'm getting unfit day by day (karma~....)

Woke up in a daze..Set myself to see lecturers..,,Flip through midterm papers..Pasted my fakey smile...and laughed out my stupid errors...

Personally, my grades are getting ok compared to last semester...but then, It's not enough to stand firm on the ground..My classmates got 90 plus for physics....and I?

I got this freaking 73.......

Then again, how hard I try to think of my faults, It's not gonna change anything in the past..Perhaps I could change the future...

But the past...will remain in the past.

Funny, the same theory applies to this very life....

Frankly, I hate to tell ya how messy my life could be....sharing the misfortunes that I have to confront...Put it like this...It'll make me even more confused and drown in the pitch black life...

Hey hey..I'm not selling drugs or taking drugs...or whatever u can think of..

If u had read my entry on identity crisis, (yeah....I have identity crisis...oooooh.....) , When I feel that, It's like the whole world turned grey. I see other people doing great in their lives but where am I? Still stuck at the same gear... not a level higher or a level lower..nahh perhaps I'm way to low to go even more low. I know it's not good to put this here, but I don't know myself anymore..Living in a lie...great!!!

I thought of putting happy happy entries will brighten up my days..But, I have nothing happy to say. Music, books, movies or even hobbies... I'm not really really into it. It will be a disgrace to others if I paste a post bout it...

Yeah... I know.. I hate myself when I'm to concern of what other might feel...might say or might see.....(the typical teen problemmo)...

Having a teen complexity..at this age...Haha...how lame is that?

Apparently, I could sense that I'm being quite childish..I'm sick of myself being this gullible little girl...who can't face the real world when she have to step outside.............Mannn....

I hate that ok....I despise it!!

Huhhh....Ok..enough of this..

My early intentions to write this post was to entertain myself, well I'm way off track ehh?

Ok ok how about I share with you a new cool link to find cute girly..hahah.... desktops wallpapers.. It's Pixel girls..The name sounds girly, but they got cool wallpapers...with great color combos..I need colors now..Gry ..not my thing laa..

Homebound!!!!

2006-06-05T12:12:00.000+08:00

Home...no place on earth like it..Even if I had to go through.."crazy chores'..I love that cosy home by the corner.

I said I wanted to post something on manila..But that's sooo yesterday...

"ok la..I'm lazy to have those blurry flashback part..and try to put pretty words into it"

Uhh Uhh..Up there is a pic of me..ovbershadowed by the rays of the morning sun. Inhaling the fresh morning air can clear every worries that seems to clutter my head..

Simply said, I'm not a good story teller..So go to puteri's blog..if u wanna know what happened in manila!! (haha feeling lazy..again..)

So, more two weeks before finals...and I really think i need to work out. Apparently I'm a bit unfit..Hoping that sarah will drag me to the gym..."ouuuch"

One down...2 more to go.

2006-05-30T17:25:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure whether the weather clouded my mind. I've been such a klutz and kept doing silly mistakes and silly remarks ever since coming back to Malaysia. Blame on the oily pinoy's pizzas..hahaha...Yet, I still love em soo much. Thinking of Dominos...(I did a MV on Dominos...No kidding)

Did my second quiz, alone. The solitude seems to clear my head for a while. It is a bit of irky to feel very restless for no reason..Hell I dun know what is wrong with me. Need to find a spot where I can just sit and ponder..Missed my old thinking spot. Didja know that the difference between a lunatic and a genius is just a thin grey line? Am I stepping on it..I mean to the lunatic part..haha..But then again, am I Miss Einstein in the first place?

Lots of people said I'm chubbier now..good good..At least I can ditch that old sick look haha!

Feeling Chubby today then..

I found this latin quotes search engine..pretty amusing too. Better go here to find out more

Another mis-Adventure

2006-05-29T22:34:00.001+08:00

Monday...what could you actually say about a Monday..

Mundane-Moody-Mad-Malicious(especially when all the workload are getting to my nerves)..or quoting to my dear old pal, Garfield, "I Hate Monday". I bet there'll be more Manic Monday sms frenzy...We, folks definitely need those.

The bright side..My monday is nothing close to any ordinary boring monday...YAYY!!

For the first time this semester I woke up early...(had a hunch that this would be pne of those good days). Humming as I get ready for class. Showed up in class, met all my classmates, those familiar faces. It's nice to be around my comfy zone again. Made a deal with my lecturer to postponed my paper. One thing is for sure, I'm taking my second quiz tomorrow..midterm paper..Not pretty sure. After class, hang around the empty Aroma Cafe, had "Roti Bom"..actually two of those....Trying to kick out the taste of endless pizzas in my tastebud..Need more Food!!!...well the best is yet to come...

After an hour or so..Went to the library, borrowed some books, Paulo Coelho's and one copy of chicken soup for the soul..It's been ages since I read CS for the soul..Some light reading won't hurt.

So, napped for two hours or so...(Napping on a monday...pretty rare you see)And zapped out of UIA around 3 pm with Elly. We made an excuse that I need to withdraw some cash at BSN...which is partly true.It's just that we end up in Amcorp Mall for no reason..Wait a sec, That is the main purpose anyway.

Went to a bookstore, purchased some project stuff we need..(Just got to learn that for computer 1, We need to make a calender using Microsoft Word...Funny enough to say...7/10 of the marks are credited for creativity. Basically, everyone came up with weird ideas to make a calender. I guess that is why you never ask engineering students to do something creatively....We are prone to do so...)

So back to Zati and Elly outing, we browsed every stall, every turn promised a new discovery!! We found tonnes of artsy ornaments and fabulous fabrics....I force myself to drag out Elly and myself from that place...the temptation is harder to resist!!
Before heading back to UIA...around six (exceeding the permitted time...hahah), we bought ourselves a pack of Pulut with Mangga.In other words, sticky rice is eaten with mango and coconut milk. So,intrigued to try it, Elly and me split our share...and believe me..the taste is beyond this world..No wonder there was a long que.Happy to say that the long waiting is worth the time. I bought a pack of deep fried prawns with chilli sauce dips..it was superb! Thumbs up for the food galore!! None can beat Malaysia Street food, the best part..there is no second thoughts whether I should go maliki..or having the fear of pork in my meals. What a relief

What a Marvelous Monday!!!

p/s: Wanted to say something on manila...It's just that..I need to be home and use my own pc ( technically it's Kak Long's)..for some freaking reason, I would love to be home first..yeahh maybe I could curl in theold chair while typing haha. Mannn I miss home. It has been two weeks plus since I went back to Serdang....Wait for me yaa!!! I'll be BACK...

Here and back Again....

2006-05-28T21:33:00.000+08:00

Felt dizzy.............

Wanted to update>>>>>>>>>>>

But then, I got a paper tomorrow...

If I blog...I will be on the guilt trip....yeah...I suppose to be in my frens place and studY!

Need to catch up a whole chapter in one nite..

So...

Let me just give ya a hint...

Manila...there's a whole bunch of ideas I wanna tell to the world about ya....

But let jus keep that...for another day...

For now....s,,T,,u,,D..Y....*sigh*

Hey kak long..note to ya...I bought sumthing for ya..hehehe.Send my regards to the clan.Can't wait to see all of you at home..

P/s: what is it with the cheering crowd...my goddd...not another AF commotion

A Woman I'm Fighting For

2006-05-13T04:11:00.000+08:00

Now playing: Summer Sunshine - The Corrs

It's 4 in the morning, still finishing the factsheets...Suddenly, mum pop into the room...asking me to clean up the dining table because Pak Cik is coming home...yeah technically he is my step dad...Ironically, I never met him just yet..So in this mother's day,finally, I got to meet him in person.

While Kak Long and Mum fetch him at Hentian Putra, I guess he is all the way from Pattani, I did the dishes. The coolness of the water seems to make me daze into my tiny world again. Thinking of nothing...just a plain imagination where I could feel slightly happy..no worries, no fuss...

So, back hogging the comp.This year round I bought mum a trinket box where she can keep all her brooches. It's a nice little wooden carved box. Hope she'll love it. Thank You Mum...Happy Mother's Day....

I'm sorry...I don't sound passionate or anything close to it..I'm plain tired today.Should followed puteri's strategy..Do the flowery poetry before you get the writer's block...

Musings..

2006-05-13T00:44:00.000+08:00

Currently playing: Dewa-Satu

After 18 years..and plus of living the Zati Hamdan's life....I'm still searching who is the person I ought to be.Can someone actually tell me..who I am? I'm hopelessly lost....

Am I supposed to be a Super-Terrific-Grrreattt individual and then I'm considered as a normal citizen of The M country?....Where everything is BOLEH.....

Or Am I supposed to be an accomplish woman (flicking through how-to-be-accomplish-women for dummies) so people can look up at me..and give me the salute?....(well it's freaky enough when people salute u....unless you are some crazy PLKN trainer...damn it-I miss them)

These thoughts have been playing in my mind for a while....

Who am I? ( don't tell me I'm spider women...it doesn't work on me)

All I know, I'm in college now. Paddling myself with piles and piles of workload while juggling the whole thing with debate and on top of it all, balancing life with hands full.

People say I'm fragile.Just some nice girl you passed by. I love to say u are DEAD wrong..but who am I to tell you that...

Back to square one again...who am I?

I admit that I'm the type of person who love to read the paper while having a light breakfast and at the same time making my way to class..half hearing to the radio and my friend's rambling.

Prone to multi-tasking...I feel the time aint wasted...fullfilled...

So, that still didn't answer the quizzical question....who am I?

Sometimes, there are times I feel inferior to youngsters (the group of of people I'm in now...haha)
The Burning Enthusiastic Energy kept on surging.....and you feel it's too much and even harder to resist,ending up forcing myself to be the "in-youth"...can't they just take things more calm and one at a time.....and they are telling me to keep up with them...( I feel like a sick old lady now who doesn't follow with MTV or Channel V..seriously..I don't watch'em)

So, in the end of the day..my question is still a question..

p/s: I love confusing thoughts...I don't play sudoku for nothing..haha

Let's Go Down To Business

2006-05-06T14:52:00.000+08:00

On Classes..

Need to finish up my homeworks...ohh yeah and physics' tutorial..I need to submit them by Monday.I love life now...all those assignments...Life is beautiful with them around.I can get the wheels in my head work again.

Pop quiz for computer...God knows when..Flip through a bit...hmm what else I missed out..I need to ask Kak mi for the excuse letter..and better set a date with the physics lecturer(I like her soo much already ^^) for consultation hours..just to cover up the class I wil miss..Take note that Mid term for physics is on the 27th May...(is that a good sign??..hmm 27)

On Debate.

Teams has been set.

1st team: Puteri,Danial and Faiz.(not in any particular order)
2nd team: Iera. Alif and Me. (not in any particular order either)

As Fareez mentioned,being in the second team is a bless.Because you are out of the spot light...And pressure is the last thing I need anyway.But that is no reason to slack around and take things for granted..It is the AUDC for god sake!!!....Target locked: Break.

Promised myself to read...that is one thing-to read...But the main focus is to apply the input into the debate and feel the debate...(just like halian said)

Status Quo of Zati Hamdan:

-Lack of substance
-Lack of charisma(u know it's hard to get that in a jippy)
-Lack of self-reliance (in terms of believing my own case)

take this serious...(hey that suppose to be easy for me..why I'm fooling around now....Die of stress if I hafta....I must get one debate right..Muahahaha)

So..strategize:

My plan...

1st.read 4 detailed articles..make short-easy-to understand notes for myself...(I admit it...I can be very slow on tackling issues)

2nd.No more Miss Nice Izzati..No MERCYYY!!

3rd.Think things from its basis.Then, principle point of view. Then try to detect where the debate should revolves around.]

Hey Life is Fun Again...yay!!!

Mistaken..

2006-05-04T12:38:00.000+08:00

Have you ever came across an article entitled "An Open Letter for My Future Husband"?It was written by a primary school student...a young girl to be exact.As far as I could remember, the "open letter" was published by the Star 2-3 years ago in the educational section...maybe it was one of those NIE leaflet. The article itself was amazing. She touched the issue of how men treat women today and basically the issue of equality. But the one thing that really hit me...was the guts to express..Her flow of thoughts actually captured the eyes of newspaper publishers ( she got a full page column)....woah...that is supreme coolness!!!And the best part, her message was sent across the nation...and who knows maybe her open letter reached the "future husband".The article is empowering..I'm trying to retrive it back..And if anyone happen to be keeping it somewhere..I would pretty much appreciate it if you would share it with me..*winks*

Now hearing to: Kiss-Because I'm a girl

So....what zati hamdan gonna do today is something similar...a bit like an open letter.

Let me ask you questions.
Is it very wrong to fall for another person?
And is it wrong to tell that person about how you feel without any intentions to prolong it?

I wonder why people mistaken an innocent confession as a tricky way to get someone's attention...

Well, I am pretty sad if that pure thought of falling for another creation of God is misunderstood as another ticket to rush into things...

Or maybe....this whole sensation is a mistake in the first place...

I have mistaken too many things

Sweet gestures are mistaken for signs saying.."hey..I like you"
Compliments are mistaken for a try to "pull some strings"
Kindness are mistaken for affection

A one-sided infatuation mistaken for something else....

Before I drown myself for something I'm not sure and really out of my league.....I must STOP.

Deeply sorry if what I said burdens some people out there
Deeply sorry if what I said is mistaken for just some cheap way to gain someone's attention
Deeply sorry if what I said actually stirred up your decision

I'm not waiting for a yes or a no
Which ever path you will take..I will be more than happy
Because I know..there was a day when a soul really had fallen for someone
...and just let it be preserved ..untouched by time.

A mistake you may say...
a mistake or not..
a curse or a bless...
For a second, a spirit could really smile.

I may had stumble and fall....it might hurt.

But, I will stand up and say "It's not that bad...I'm okey"

Most importantly, thank you for giving this chance in this too short life to see a person differently.

Now...back to what it used to be.

Ohhh is that my physics homework waiting for me?..gotta go.

If Life is.....

2006-05-02T22:00:00.001+08:00

Before I drown you into my world of thoughts and gibberish...I love to tell ya how my days were..

On Debate

We had a few rounds of debate about the environment, ASEAN and Myanmar, sexuality preference, Google and China. Good lord...I still feel dumb.It's very hard for me to remember all the crucial facts and details.I still sound unconvincing and sadly to say..I'm little Miss Nice GOOdy2 shoes..which is not NICE to have in a debate...I know..weaknesses can be change into great strength. Time will tell. And I just have to wait for the day that I could happily say "Nice" people are not that bad...But anyway...it's too good to be true huh..I'm not that....nice to begin with.*evil cackle*..My friend reminded me that I only have 18 days away for manila..Hmm I'm not sure myself..Bit scared to count down the days you see...*weak smile*

On Classes

Lessons are begining to take pace.I'm only taking two subjects this term - Computer 1 and Physics 2. This time round, the lecturers are cool. Easy to negotiate and understandable. So, I pray to GOD...that at least I can cover up my cgpa this semester...Talking about lecturers..Miss Izan is getting married!!! My Cute Maths 1 lecturer...she's such a sweetheart.Her coming to be husband is soooo lucky!! UNfortunately...I can't make it to her wedding...it's on the 21st of may...and I'm in Manila by then...T-T...My classmates are planning to convoy there..all the way to puchong...It's soo near to home and I can't make it..It's ok..I'll just buy her a wedding gift.

Ok.....I'm tired dividing the things that happened recently...Because the truth is life is not that simple..I really wish that life is the avenue where we can put daily details in files and delete them if we want..send them to the recycling bin..and scoop them back if we want to...Save the sweetest memories and put a security code so..no evil eyes lurking into my private sectors of my life..Orr my mouth can be mute just by a push of a button..Or other people brains can be read as if there are emotion screen on top of their head.....

That's how I feel now...but then Life is just all mixed up...and messy if they wanna....I talk this later on

Colors of the wind-Pocahontas

2006-04-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

You think I'm an ignorant savage
And you've been so many places
I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see
If the savage one is me
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know ...

You think you own whatever land you land on
The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high will the sycamore grow?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind.

Thank You Mother Earth.Happy Earth Day everyone...the island we can never escape~..

Mrsm days...

2006-04-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

I felt there's an urge to write this...

Disclaimer: I wrote this with the prespective and the way I think by then,to be exact ...this how a 16 year old girl would think in those circumstances...

I've been keeping about my mrsm history ever since I stepped out the gates of "penjara banduan terhormat".So, let the story unfold and the past reveal!!!

Why I entered MRSM in the first place?? Being a
very naive girl, I love to copycat everything single thing my sister did. Honestly, I thought that by entering MRSM I could follow her footsteps and go for overseas afterwards...I'm craving for achievements and praises by then...

The first year in MRSM

I get along well at the beginning.My class was ok. But, I felt that I can't fit the picture.Maybe affected by what happened the year before...I'm less talkative and my close circle ain't that many.I secluded myself and indulged in my studies like I never did before....my life there was only the white board, my table and my bed.

I don't give a damn bout my here about or what's the latest gossip.I rather hang around in the library and kept close to farah and ain..

Then, life reached its' turning point.There was a try-out for debate to represent our school for mrsm level.Feeling that I have a fair command of english(hahah how wrong i was), I gave that a shot...went for the try-out with my best buddy ,Toh Rong Rong. The coach who was also one of the english teachers cum my dorm warden was present fot the try-out.A few days later, she told me I'd made into the team...........but as a researcher.I managed to carve a smile....very dissapointed.......did I sucked that bad??...damnnn.And I tell ya...the debate regime training really taken its toll on me.My gpa fell sky rocket...Maybe I'm not used to stay up until 2 and 3 in the morning just to flip through pages and pages of encyclopedias and paper cuttings while staring with envy at the speakers reading out their text............but then again.I kept to my principle by then...I don't give a damn.

Then there was elections to select the new Student Councils..I filled up the form.Got selected to compete in the elections..That was the most terrifying part of my life there.Why?...For the campaign, I tried to be very out-spoken and my manifesto was to fight for everyone's needs and to ensure that discrimination would never happen when it comes to voicing out their side to the board.But then, I was labeled as "gila kuasa"(Hungry for power) by my own batch and to be exact the girls......" The day of my manifesto speech..I was booed by guys..I think it's the seniors...

After the speech, my close-knit friends stared at me as if I did something wrong...But they just kept silent..when all I need was support ..at least someone who can say I did ok...I burst in tears for the first time in mrsm....(ok..le it was more like crying silently)Why?? because it was the activity week when the campaigns kicked off..and in the same time I had to handle activities that were conducted around college..I didn't ate for five days...that is how busy I was...and what did I get in return..people booed at me while I walk pass them..People throwing stares as if I'm some crazy girl...I was deeply hurt and I'm glad that fiqa was there (my schoolmate since standard fiive..and she entered mrsm with me too)..She was there to give me a hug and heard all my rantings....I am not trying to point out whose fault was it....But I'm tired of people secluding me...It's like the whole school was against me when I'm trying to help them in every single way I can.....I wish Toh was there...but she left mrsm after her first semester..

Then my class had conflicts with teachers....it was terrible...Dah la I'm tired with all the Student Council troubles....I end up giving a lecture to the guys who had hurt one of the teachers feelings...again...I'm almost in tears myself..I said something about what if one day she(the teacher) regret the day she taught us..What will happen to us..Why do we have to be ungrateful..when all we had to do is respect her and acknowledge her..Then, all of us approached her saying that we are very sorry.But, our relationship with teachers aren't that great anymore.Instead, the bond between us got better..like siblings..I felt I'm accepted at last.All of them supported me with my campaign until the election day.I won the election and made the final 14 member of the Student Council.

Form Five....very hectic...handling students affairs.Not much life there, had to deal with spoiled juniors who caused a lot of problems between students and the school board...Plus when I'm a part of the Student Council...its like I'm a jedi apprentice..I can't have a boyfriend or anything to do with it...I've been shooing gurls and boys from dating in the evenings....which it's hard because u had to scold at ur own peers...But responsibilities come first...I had many nights where I had to stay up until four..I already slept at the Main Hall...Dewan Dato' Onn...yupp..on the stage..huhu..did some work there for another school activity....Heard to endless cries from students....that was life by then....Then I had to turn down guys....even the one I really fall for.Then it was SPM year and my last try to be enlisted for Principal's List..Alhamdulillah I made it in my final semester.But that's in the past right...

I'm trying to be as flexible as I could now..I'm soo used to be so serious when dealing with everything...My pals here are freaked out by my way..So I'm trying to lossen up a bit...Sarah (my roomie now and my shoolmate by then) knew how I was...I'm the girl...wearing the green blazer in the mornings..being mc for official assemblies and never had the time for proper chat with anyone..I walk pretty fast too....heheh that bad...

Remembering the past...it all happened in two years...It really made the person I am today...I love all of it..each part of life in mrsm..it gave some ideas to retell the story to my kids..

Frankly,I'm not sure if there is a guy out there could handle a person like me...hahaha..i like to do things my way..tough luck heh..

(p/s: I don't know why recently I feel like I want my own baby.....but the husband seems out of the picture..hmmm)

(I reread my post on mrsm....I sound whiny....SOO whiny..Actually, I miss that place....the bridge I cross....everything..I miss my pals....We are planning to go there on monday...heheh I'm gonna skip some classes...mum won't like that....I misss themmmm....Updated 2nd May)

Kajang and Interschool

2006-04-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

A day in kajang

Assalamualaikum..

Two days ago, I spent half of my day in Kajang.Mann...applying for a passport is tedious..But then, two officers who complimented me on my "cuteness"(ok...I'm being vain here :p) actually ease all my fussy feelings. Imagine, u get this particular line from two officers in the same department,that's normal for me(cehhh perasan lah ni)...But getting the exact line from officers in different offices..is pretty overwhelming really.. hehehe..One from the immigration office in Metro Kajang and the other one from the registration officer in Registration Office in Hentian Kajang.....Somehow, I felt it was kinda like a deja-vu.

Am I that cute??..*winks*...*cough..cough*

Ok lahh...enough of this.That very day, I just discovered that my ID chip was busted and need to replace my MyKad...So, have been around kajang for a while.The que was very long..I'm very thankful that at least I got a number that day..Still, I got the chance to browse the shops there for two hours...and still thinking of buying the pants I saw there...Good bargain I tell ya...

So, all my task are accomplished. Need to remember that I have an appointment with maybank..to open a joint account.. yeah need to fill up the form too....

Looking at life so far...I really enjoyed my holidays.Help out with the 5th IIU Interschool Debating Championship 2006.Had loads of fun and meeting up with the debaters in gombak..and not forgeting the participants from respective schools all over Malaysia.It was a grand event.St Xavier merge as Victor followed by RMC for english catergory. SBPI Gombak become winner for Malay catergory and MCKK as 1st runner-up.God knows how jealous I am seeing high schoolers' capability to have such critical thinking...I'm very impressed indeed...To spice up this one...I've been sort of a cupid for these two particular debaters..and to give ya a hint...the guy is a very GOOD debater..hmmm wondering who?? But, I dun wanna spill the beans too much....relationship tends to get messy if over exposed..hehe..Let them be then..*wink.wink*

So..need to sleep yawn yawn...and wake up early...need to run some errands.

2006-04-04T12:59:00.000+08:00

Michael Buble-Home

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

I just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know

And Ive been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

Im fine baby, how are you?

Well I would send them but

I know that its just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

Im lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, Ive got to go home

Let me go home

Im just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like

Im living someone elses life

Its like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

That this is not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And Im surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

Ive had my run

Baby, Im done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

Ill be home tonight

Im coming back home

(p/s:Totally addicted to this one,it's heart wrenching..kak ana likes this one...heard it from faiz's blog n now I know why..it's sweet..aaaaah)

The Weekenders

2006-03-28T10:54:00.000+08:00

It's Tuesday morning,woke up late...(still...I prayed) and back in UIA.Only a few days left before the break and amazingly I'm already looking forward for the short term.Hmmmm....I wonder why???

Can't hide the fact I am sooooooo eager to tell ya why i am looking forward for the next term.I just spill the beans je la....I'm going to manila for my first ever asians debating tournament....and the other part of me feels tormented because knowing that I'm not fit enough (knowledge-wise) for it...I'll deal with that!!!

Trying verrrry hard ignoring the loud music that the cyber cafe people turn on(mannn..My head hurts....), let me tell ya how IZZati Hamdan spent her weekend..yup in Zati's style..

Went back home on a friday noon,right after arabic paper.OK..I can't recall the exact things that took place...Anyway, to make things fair and to keep track of things..I'll make it like a list...

1st-In the evening,all the girls including mum watched tv..we watched Bridget Jones' Diary...it was a fun chick flick..and mum really liked it (maybe it's because the genuine british accent...I had to confess that I'm a total sucker for guys with brit accent....I'm melting here...)

2nd-surfing the net till 4 in the morning...doing sum research on a low budget camera and just a point and shoot type of camera.....since mum won't let me buy anything pricey(and I understand why...of course I do) and I found out bout this simple cybershot..the price is ok and the features are not bad either.I'll post it here later on.

3rd-The next day,went to Fadhly's school (he's in a boarding school....even though he's a home boy..u know the type who can never let go their pcs,ps2s and their mums...hahaha but he's nice)...He's getting taller and taller..he beaten his dear sister(aka me)..he's turning out to be a find lad but I can't get enough of teasing him.But then, he's immuned to it..so it's not that thrilling anymore...Anyway,we had a little picnic on his school grounds.It was a pretty nice picnic lunch.Mum cooked tom yam,some veges to go with it and the good old plain rice...(love being asians..rice...yummyumm)

4th-went shopping with mum in noon while waiting for Kak long and adik attending their aikido lessons.Bought a shirt and...(maybe,I keep this "one" thing for myself)..well,I'm a girl...it's essential!..the goods and the shopping therapy.

5th-In the evening..did some shopping with kak long..I just went window-shopping since I got all my stuff purchased..then it's sushi night!!!.WE were the last customers in sushi king,so there r not many people left and we got the the whole place for ourselves..and enjoyed our meal pretty much *satisfied looksss..yummmy*

On sunday..woke up late..again.I actually made up my own karaoke the night before..Singing-my-heart-out kind of thing...using the webcam..ok I'm being vain here...hey as long as I'm happy.

So that's is how zati spent her weekends...who said we need a boyfriend to be fun and happy and feel alive!!!..Sometimes,we just missed out the things that are right under our noses...

Ouhh ok...need to get things done..have two paper to sit..physics and maths..wish me luck..

Doodling around..

2006-03-20T17:25:00.000+08:00

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:
You value loyalty a fair amount.You're loyal to your friends... to a point.But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.
Honesty:
You value honesty highly.You're unflinchingly honest, even when it's not easy.For you, integrity is very important - in yourself and others.People may not always like what you say, but they know they can trust it.
Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!
Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.You tend to be an easy going, humble person.But occasionally your ego takes over.You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance highly.Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

UPdates...haw haw

2006-03-15T10:40:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum...to anyone who is reading..

And Good Morning...

I just wanna skip the part where I apologise for not updating this for 2 months plus and will try to make up this time.

Moving on, I've been trying to study in the library today.I end up,snoring while sitting.The conditions was just perfect for a long nap..hahah.So, in the challenge to fight against my sleepy eyes..I turn my route to the cyber cafe in my college...again.As long as I can get my brain occupied.

So, I've been cramming myself with books...literally.A bit freaking out when I realised that my finals is just in a week or so.I learned the fact I've been lazying around...(ohhh u better believe me) and pampered my brain too much.InsyaAllah, I try to improve this time round.Frankly speaking, my performance for the past few months was a horror!!!I have no idea why I can just be cool about it..Usually, i just went ballistic and start my 24/7 Study-thon regime.

On the other hand, the MEDeC crowd is planning to give a shot in UiTM Novice Debate Tournament.I'll team up with Faiz and Danial.Until today, I still feel dumb...(partly true) and unconfident..It became much worse after the Taylor's open.Frankly speaking,I suck really bad in my speeches.Why it is soooo easy for certain people???..u know this whole speaking n communcation skill thingy.Looking at the bright side, I do have some things to be proud of durimg the tournament.Once,when one of the adjudicator told me to watch my manners when I deliver my speech-hahaha..I know it sound bad..but I think I already liberated myself form the apolegetic attitude.

Big Boy in the center stage.MMU vs MMU

Speaking of Taylor's open, there was this akward moment on the way back home.Faiz,Doha and Shaista,went back to matrics that evening by matrics' van.So,me and danial opted for commuter since it's more convienient.Then, the train arrived...While hurrying myself to get into the commuter,I almost stepped into one of the train entrance,the I spotted that danial was about entering another carriage's entrance. I pointed the entrance I'm about to go in...but he insisted to enter that one anyway...so there we was...danial in the other carriage and I'm sitting the other carriage...the funny thing was both of us were going to the same place.Then again....What tha heck???....who wants to get stuck for 20 minutes with zati hamdan...Should have thought of that.. hmm

Anyhow.. please pray that I can bring myself together again for the coming tournament...just for the sake to be a better person and being good at something ..at least...

Ohh yeah...lecturers are beginning to be absent from lectures...in other words-no class..almost now and then...bit bored though.

Love ya lots..

zati

While on the road..

2006-03-08T15:50:00.000+08:00

While on the road~

On my way to the commuter station, my sister drove the car slowly like the same beat of the radio...Played low

Staring at the lamp posts passing by again and again, I began to ponder that life is just the same boring rountine,kept repeating on and on.I felt tired...Tired of nothingness and emptiness...I envy people who had all they ever wanted...but they never realise what they have in their hands..I am grateful-of course that I still have shelter and a pretty normal family.But then...home wasn't the same home that I had in my tender years...

Then, there was the red light...we stopped

Ever since Abah passed away,life begun to turn 360 degrees...Over the years, I tried to convince myself that all of this awkward feelings will fade by time..And all of the troubles will dissapper.In the end, I can't lie to myself anymore..I had a rough time to adjust back, I wasn't myself..I'm more sensitive and had lost my confidence..I felt unlove...Like a lost puppy.

It seems that everyone I like or cherish, ran away from me..Is my presence is so hard to accept...That's how I felt..I cried in many cold showers...I cried in my prayers..Why do I felt lost? The hard days....Made me forget how to express myself.A smile... I forgot how to smile.I'm only 15 by then.Acting as if I'm a carefree young girl......Made me even more lost.

Years went by, I enrolled into college with the hope it can change my perspective on life. I met many sorts of human - unimaginable..The aura of enthusiasm is in the air.Sometimes my heart just faltered and worried if I ever could cope with the vibrant atmosphere.There are too many incredible individuals..I felt I was over-shadowed by them..In my eyes, I was nothing but a patch of shadows..

The light turned green..

The spark of realization struck me..Why I've been asking the wrong questions to myself? I asked myself why am I lost?Why am I deserted?When all I need to do is open my heart and try to heal the scar within...Not keeping it sore and become more swollen.I should have turn my sorrow into my strength and my past into my passport to reality.I had been living in a lie..A dream world where I waited for the old days could be resurrected and yearning to see a man walking into the gates of my house after a hectic day at work..It will never happen....But I just kept believing in the wrong miracles.

There's a voice inside of me telling that I must go on and be independent from now.No one will care for me forever.I don't need anyone's sympathy. I don't need people to pity me.I must stand on my own foot and touch the ground then soar into the sky.As long as I stay true..And have faith in all I do, life ain't that bitter anymore.It doesn't matter whether if I am haunted by the phantom of the past.Let them follow me till Death takes my soul. I don't care or even give a damn anymore. Actually,I've been the ghost of myself...Fear that I'll make mistakes in life..The fear to go beyond limits.. There is no way to stop others to be remarkable people, it is up to me to make my life remarkable too.Even if the world is against me...I'll always have my phantom to accompany me..(ok..I know....It ruined the whole thing...It somehow turn out to be so tense......Scary~)

From this day on, I embraced the light that shone down upon me...The Light of Hope especially for the person named "My light of honor".I'm grateful to Allah because still have mercy on me..u never took away my rationality or ever let my heart control my head..YOU gave me a mother who is courageous..Who never turned her back at me in times I need her the most.I'm glad I have my own Supermom.. I could never live on without fantastic siblings who went through the same pain but still go for greater heights.

Abah...we are doing just fine.Thank you for being a wonderful dad in 15 years of my life and sacrificed your all just to see us shine...Even in the darkest part of life when all lights went out.I never felt that you ever left me..you are always in my heart and always will be....

I smiled to myself...enjoying the soothing tune from the radio while gazing to bits of sunrays making their way through the gray clouds above.

~behind every gray cloud,there is a silver lining~

P/s: don't feel sorry when you read this...it's not my main intention..actually it never crosses my mind..

New Year, Eid Adha..N Tonnnes of examsss

2006-01-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum n gewd morning..

Happy New Year everyone!!Any new resolutions?Me....just don't be so bitter and open my eyes more ..literally and otherwise...Kept dozing off in Malik's classes...I wonder why???

I really felt it was like yesterday that I went into preschool...(I'm being silly again) Actually, i miss the school days badly....where's the time-turner when I need one??

So I wish Everyone A Great and Wonderful year even though it's the middle of january.I've been neglecting my blog for a while in order to give way for campus schedule.

Suprisingly, it was a joyful Eid Adha..yup!! lots of rendang and nasi impit..lemang..and many of my mom's friends come to visit us.They are worried sick if my sibs didn't have a proper festive moment at home.Early in the moring..they sent tupperwares of raya cooking.WeBless them..

After we went to the masjid for the Eid Adha prayers, all of us visited dad's place..I'm sad to see his place not properly maintained..felt awfully bad~

Hmm...switching the mood here..Dun wanna be gloomy in the new year!!I did a 21 episode marathon of this Korean Drama Wonderful life..hehe one 21 hours of pure entertainment and hot korean guys and ladies.It's the sweetest eye-candy I tell you..if u are still searching for one.It's fun indulging myself with those..less pressured for a while.

Since this is a bit too open area to blog anyway...(My my..look at those can't-stay-put-eyes peeking unstop at my blog...) need to run some errands while on campus..Cheerio~

The commuter is....very stupid some times.

2005-12-19T12:45:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum, today I went back to uia after spending the weekends at home...So I decided to take the commuter just to avoid the traffic..(Pj is always jammed in the mornings) But then...this very "sweet voice" made an announcement that the train to rawang was delayed..At first I was..ok..not that fussy...But then..when I noticed that it was actually 25 minutes late...I went restless...What a monday..I forgot to selawat...and my heart just beat faster..faster..then I arrive at kl sental..about eight..( my arab class starts at eight)...so I just telling myself that it wont hurt that much turning up late for class...not enough with all that...I heard from a guy on the "selamat pagi malaysia" show..telling that singapore is predicted to have tsunamis soon..I was like..MY GODDD...we are planning to go to pd..which is very near to singapore...........hmm I just wish and pray that it will be ok...

DEspite of all that..there's this guy..I had mentioned that I have this litte crush on...I've been seeing him around for a while..not as meet him or had a chat or sumthing but just had a glance of that guy..........
The silly part is...I'm was like freaking out....i can't remember when I did NOT...make my books fall down, bump into sumone or bump into a chair..when he's around...THAT is very dummy....I hate it when I'm that eeasily..emotion..stir up-girl...IT made me such a fool......damn..

I hope i won't do that again....I GOTTA WAKE UP....and realise that..I won't fall that easy.."literally and not literally??" yeah..

Suprisingly it's me...

2005-12-15T22:06:00.000+08:00

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

kAK ANA'S HOME yAyyy..

2005-12-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

Today...the sky is sooooooooooooo blue...I even took sum pics of the "uia"s sky hehe..It's been very dreadful and depressing watching the foggy atmosphere...for like two weeks...It's not that hazey..but the gloomy weather do seem to affect my day. People always tell ya not to be affected by the weather..BUT I justtt cant..I'm really down if the weather is not great..or the sunrays doesn't touch my skins...I feel sick and grumpy...

I guess I'm just those weather freaks who can't stand a stormy day..There's once I was thinking I will be crash down by a vehicle while crossing a road...IN a stormy down pour..I was scared to death that evening...soaked and hungry...poor isn't it??

And there's days...where I just felt so light and easy,,,when the sky is crystal clear and the breeze is just nice...ouhhh itt feels like heaven those kind of days.....

hehehe anyway I wanna tell ya that my sis Hana is in malaysia...hehe..I'm going back home tomorrow noon..can't wait to see her..Well I felt damn guilty really..because I didn't pick up her calls...I shud have known it was her...The forth time she called...( i got an instinct it was her)..I asked my lecturer ..."I realllllllly have to take this call".....U know what she said.....Ouhhh it's probably ur pals back home calling u...."but but it's the forth time this person called me"....the phone was ringing that time.... reluctantly, I turned down that call....

But what's done is done...Alhamdulillah evryone is safe n sound,,,""I dunno lahh ..is it me or am I getting more paranoid about evryones well being back at home.especially when mum is not around....maybe it's those weird dreams i have...that one is a long story.....

Here and about...

2005-12-09T11:40:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum

Back in pj campus again...Starting a new term...Quite bored because..most every class were canceled except for arab and physics...Hmm just wish me luck for the new termm...Ohhh yeah Mum,granny and fadhly are going for their hajj...Hope they'll do fine in madinah..now they are in madinah...then Makkah..key then au revoir~

2005-11-29T08:21:00.000+08:00

The tranquility..the solitude...the warmth. This is my lil sis..One of my top pick picture of the day..This one reminds me of those rainy days where u just want to curl in ur couch and sip a hot cup of choc...yummy..I'm having a flu now...and I have ept ( english placement test) to take tomorrow morning.Perhaps I'm going back to college this afternoon...wish me luck..Achoo~

2005-11-23T18:33:00.000+08:00

This is my results for semester one..if anyone is interested..pray that I'll do much better than this one key..I know..it's not that great..but first of All I thank Allah...alhamdulillah...for letting me at least have good grades..(good enough for me..to futher my studies) without having to repeat any papers..I thank mum and the clan..of course my pals...(hehe it's like I'm getting an award or sumthing)..thank u..

2005-11-22T12:02:00.000+08:00

This is message from me,,To the Birthday Gal...Lotsa love..HappY Bestest Day..kak Inie aSSALAMUALAIKUM

hye there kak inie...wahh deeply in love..tak nak comment more..on that because i'm hurt terrible now...tengah stage healing and forgetting sumone..dah nak dua bulan tak elok elok jugak..I think dah tiga bulan kot..hah,,,,tak kesah yaang tu ...most importantly....HAPPY bIRthDAy sista...may u have a joyful life here and after..Live happily ever after..that is a beginning and an end..that's worth sought for..cherish it while it last..loves zati...

The Dreamer..The Dreams...The Dream Man

2005-11-22T11:32:00.000+08:00

The dreamer...that's me.Ok so the dreamer is having a good dream, dreaming of he dream men..and boys..haha..Nah just listing out a few men and boys..whom I constantly watch ...I do have a soft spot for growing-up-in-the-screens actors..it is just so fantastic to watch them grow up..it's like seeing ur boy flourishes and turn into a fine man...So I dedicate ..You're Beautiful song..by James Blunt...to these guys..hmm They r beautiful..in their own ways..and I know the fact that I can't be with them..So instead of sulking about that ( that's is so dummy to do) How bout just enjoy the pics and get over it..haha

2005-11-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

eating out...yeah that's me love

2005-11-22T11:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm last but least..(there r sum ppl who I don't have the pics yet..)..Ricky..same age as me I think...Love him as phil..a bit of a geeko in the series..but I do love geeks..they r cute..and geek is good...Great disney star..hope to see a lot of him soon...

2005-11-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

Ahhh..morita-kun...so eccentric yet interesting..since he's an anime character..I have to put him at number three...to avoid any illogical coments on me being crazy or having unhealthy social relationships...nah...just kidding..anyway he's still one of the best guys in town..ummm I meant anime town hmmm...yummy

2005-11-22T10:53:00.000+08:00

The Number after one..is Dan..yeah this wonder boy is getting better in each movie...sometimes he can be stiff..but that just makes him more adorable...hehe he got that same boyish look ...I think he will be like those actors who looks forever boyish ..like michael J Fox..Elijah..

2005-11-22T10:35:00.000+08:00

And The number one sweetheart is..EliJah..I really love to watch this fine lad on screen..although he has a girlfren..who cares..I really like him at the first sight..I think it was the radio flyermovie..then there was the good sons..deep impact..and LOTR..some guy..phew

2005-11-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

This is my latest pic n banner..haha..so dreamy like...like me.. a dreamer..

The escape..

2005-11-12T17:38:00.000+08:00

This morning I went to Taski Abim in serdang.There's some meeting there that I need to attend...i was a bit late..actually so late..haha but no one point out the obvious that time..so I just keep quite la..huhu....

then I went back home..noticing the rest of the clan were not around except for number 2...i think sumthing not right.So I went to the nursery...which is just next door..and saw one of my mum's employee..ironing her clothes..She said that number 2 ...went balastic..So the rest (except number 2) went out just to cool things down..realising that..I decided to go out too and chill out with my former classmates..best buddies at the nearest McD..So now here I am at the cc...I just hope that by the time I went back the number @ is ok..and everyone is ok....

2005-11-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

Opps....Last Night, I accomponied mum to her public speaking class.So, there we were in the car, inhaling the crisp night air.After picking up two of her friends, we headed for Cheras. The funny part was hearing middle age women chatting...take note I was the youngest in that car that particular night...It was kindda interesting really...they talk almost about everything...can't remember tha details but al I know it was fun to hear them chatting. Then, I ponder to myself what will I look like whwn I'm a their age... will I talk like them..hmmm

The Raya Look

2005-11-09T14:18:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and Hullo everyone...

I know this new look it's not so festive ( It Eid Fitri here....festive season...get it???)

But I think it's good enough for now...quite simple really..I customized it in 3 hours..

N Again Selamat Hari Raya!!!!

I wrote a lot that other day...wuwuwuw

2005-10-11T17:52:00.000+08:00

I wrote a lot that other day...wuwuwuw

Really I wrote a lot..until my fingers are numb..then the connection had to screw it all..LOL..

Hmm..I wrote about my weekend..it was nice..watch a few dvds, MY little bride,Corpse bride n incredibles..then I watch a few anime..I think I love to find out what's the ending of Honey n Clover also bleach,,,so I stick to those two..Naruto..Love to know the flow of the story too..it's been so long since I read the manga..wuwuwu miss that sooo much haha

I'm thinking of to change my bloggie into a honey n clover theme...

My new boyfriend is...Jeng Jeng Jeng

Morita-kun...huhu...eventhough he is a bit eccentric...it's sooo cool to have a guy like that..haha..but so sad...he is just an anime character.....Real Guys...hummpphhh,,,,so hard to trust....

Trust me...ur best buddy can kill you (if he's a guy)

That's what happen to me...

I know he's laughing over my stupidity,,,,my mistake...it's like u know..the song that sarah sang.....sarah mclachlan....I felt that same sensation..fallen...But it's not always sunset..there will be a new dawn..I believe

This is a naive gal talking about feelings that's out of her league..so I can comment more..I know that I misunderstood that :one:

Anyway he's a nice guy..but I do no la...if things can be the same again like best pals...

But I realize one thing..he doesn't know who I am..he doesn't know hoe I felt..he he don't even pick the phone when I just want to hear his voice..that's how I felt....then...But know..I grew up a bit with that..Thanks soooo much ya ohh "buddy"

Now..I'm can accept how's things r n there's a long road I need to take..

Hmmm...

2005-10-03T18:39:00.000+08:00

Just hanging around....really need to update my blog and do sum construction....It's so messy huhu..got thing to be done key ..chaww

2005-10-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...leadtrain around the corner..listening to bits of music...hmm bored la...just noiw I sat for my arab paper..hmm ok la..I wanna go home..at least got the time to chill out a bit....at home la.. huhu

Out with the old one ..In with the New One..

2005-09-27T11:31:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum...

Right now..I'm at the cc doing some research...hearing to sarah mclachlan's fallen

This one is dedicated to the guy...who I've been telling u guys for like months...
And somehow I just get over it..Maybe I'm happy the way I am now..not attached..not controlled..n I dun think I could see a future ...with him..huahua hua

Yup..I'm only 1x...so why do I have to limit my interestss...I can do much better!!!
I promise to myself and all of u..I will forget and force myself to be on my feets..and stand high..Life go on man..there's many fishes in the sea...tuna bores me..haha..anyway the guy n me..have nothing in common anymore..but it's sad really...I hope we can be normal friends anyway..he is one the good pal of mine..I never tend to turn it that way,,,

Anyway...I tried to make myself happy..there's dis new guy haha..I tell you later key..But..u will be surprise trust me...take note that...it's only a light crush haha

After Three debates...u know why...

2005-09-24T18:51:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum everyone...it's been sooooo long since i updated ..yeah I know...busy with all the campus thing..nahhh not realllyy...

Actually I decided to go for the vision's cup today ....interkuliyyah debate tournament in the main camp...Dead hell..I was nervous..only Allah knows how badly..my nerve system was affected..but then I got this really Supportive team mates..or I shud I say my mentors..haha...Yup...both of them are law students..and They r good in this debate stuff...I think I learn a lot..n had tonnes of fun..Maybe I stumbled n stuttered a lot...it is my first tournament for college debate..n I dun actually...officially debated for a tournament before..so this exposure..has decreases my debate's fears..haha..really...
yes...seriously...Yup u bet I am..

I realized that ..without this kind of things to spice up my life...my life is just plain dull...But with this in grasp...I can see things differently..I meet ppl who actually talk sumthing other than boys ( yucksss)...other than just plain boring gossips...which I had to bear everyday..yeah...girls just love the thougt of cranning their necks..and getting nosy..haha..

I get to know new things n term..like the torr law..it's like not a contract law...where it's not actually involves intentional crimes..there's this cas called the Donna...Stevenson case,,,Bro yassat from econs..told us that..the a women bought a drink.coincidently there's a snail in that drink...it's a bottle la..n she can actually sue the storer of the drink for not taking notice of it in the first place..interesting huh??

Hehe...I have toi tak note that I need to think fast,,,talk clearly..get Focused....n find the simple words..n think la...it's fun...U shud Try it...Believe me...